He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
