I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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