Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
