True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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