yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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