So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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