first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
