I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
