I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i permit you to call me
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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