I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
party gras won. party gras always wins.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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