I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
