Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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