He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
