i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
