Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I didn't notice because vodka
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
