apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
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kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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