There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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