omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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