I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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