I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
