Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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