He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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