sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
