i love accidental penises.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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