Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i already hear my dad disowning me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
