I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
