my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
