Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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