If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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