I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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