i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
All the doctor said was why
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
