I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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