her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
