shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
