what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
