How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Randomize
