Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Randomize
