Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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