morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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