Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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