bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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