Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
sex in a hospital.. check
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
