New low: just hacked my moms facebook
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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