Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
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