it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
