I bet he comes in French.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
