I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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