Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
