someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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