There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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