I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
it glows. i had to have it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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