lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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